OK, I’m having trouble finding a prompt I like, so I’m just going to start typing.
I used to want to own a house more than just about anything. I’d envision myself buying a fixer-upper and turning it into a grand abode. The fact that I know nothing of carpentry or plumbing or electrical work was of little importance to me then. Pish-posh, I’d figure it out.
Nowadays, I’m glad we never bought a house. We probably would have lost it when we went bankrupt anyway. These days the only kind of house I’d be interested in would be turn-key ready. Who wants to do all that reno work? Forget that, I want a house ready to move into.
Of course, unless I hit the lottery, I’m not going to have to worry about buying a house. And I don’t have to worry about raising kids, which is something else I once thought I wanted that I’m now glad I don’t have. One cat is enough.
It’s funny how so often, life’s big choices get made for us. If you wait long enough, things will figure themselves out. Of course, you may not like the answer you get, but hey, that’s how the cookie crumbles. Maybe you’re more of a take-charge sort than I am, and want more control over your destiny. I wish you luck, but I suspect your destiny will find you whether you try to control it or not. I’m closing in rapidly on age 45, and I never would have dreamed my life would turn out the way it has, or that I’d be mentally ill. Of course, had I been playing close attention to my depressive episodes at age 19, 23, 25-26, etc., etc. maybe I would have figured out there was more going on. I just thought I had a depression problem, I wasn’t until the Zoloft revealed a manic side that I realized I had a bipolar problem. And of course, by the time I realized it I was already in jail, the damage had already been done. I wish I could go back in time to mid-2011 and warn myself: don’t take the Zoloft! But, c’est la vie, can’t change it now.
I’ve been bored and depressed for the last several days, and sleeping a lot, so I haven’t felt like blogging. I never feel like blogging unless I wake up early in the day. It’s part of my morning routine and on the days that routine gets cut short, blogging goes out the window. It’s too bad because I like blogging and it makes me feel better, makes me feel like I’m at least being sort of productive. Nothing much has been happening the last few days, and I don’t have a lot to blog about. Today we have to take our car to the dealership for a safety recall–something about one of the air bags spitting shrapnel if it deploys–so we’re gonna be stuck there all afternoon. Then it’s off to Wal-Mart for groceries. Oh well–boring, but it could be infinitely worse. At least we’re both relatively healthy, we’re safe, we have a roof over our heads, etc. Gotta remember to be grateful for the things we have. We’re a lot better off than a lot of folks.
I still don’t know when the hearing for my disability will be. I’m worried I won’t get it and that my PO will then be all up on me to go get a job. He’s gonna have to understand that I’m not physically capable of doing most jobs because of my back (and my weight in general). I can’t stand around all day shlepping boxes or whatever. I think he gets that, at least. Last time I saw him he suggested I drive for GrubHub, which maybe I could, who knows? We’ll see when the time comes. The thing is when I get depressed like I’ve been off and on the last couple of weeks, I can barely even get out of bed.
I haven’t been paying much attention to the political news, which is good. The world seems to have kept on spinning despite me ignoring it for a while. It’s gonna have to keep on without me for a while longer–the last thing I need when I’m feeling down is to get triggered by something Trump says or does. So I’m going to continue to ignore the political news for a while.
I’m stumbling to a halt so I guess that’s it for today. Thanks for reading. =)